Tumblr, I seldom post upon you, but hear me rant. Audience, there is no need to read, I simply need to get this off my FUCKING CHEST. 

I AM SO GODDAMN TIRED OF MY PARENTS. MIXED MESSAGES, MIXED SIGNALS, AND A CLEAR FUCKING LACK OF FUCKING COMMUNIFUCKINGCATION. LOOK THAT UP MERRIAM. 

Let’s backtrack here…

I COME HOME FROM UCLA, AN EXCELLENT INSTITUTION, TRANSFER TO UNIVERSITY OF THE PACIFIC. MY CHOICE? YES, WITH A PUSH FROM MY PARENTS. THIS IS OKAY, I DO NOT CARE… 

BUT THEN… THE STORY CONFUCKINGTINUES. 

Today, after exercising, IDK WTF happened, as I was upstairs on the stationary cycle, my dad flips out in his calm, intimidating, patronizing way. YOU BASICALLY SHOULD SURRENDER NOW, DIS BITCH IS SERIOUS. He starts to colour this picture of me going to a wonderful college, me being a success, always supporting my costs and what not, then THUMP. ALL GOES DOWNHILL FROM FUCKING THERE. NO, NOT EVERYTHING IS AS IT FUCKING SEEMS. 

He gave me a request in the morning… To print out my requirements for my major, Pharmacology. Fair, so I try to, but the fucking website will not load. He then quietly states “Unlike you, I can do things right, so I pulled them up for you, since youre oh so busy.” Bitch WTF? I know I am not busy, but this is simply because of the bitch of a job market here in stockton, CA, where I rot. Subsequently, my mom, which BTW is also being a complete Bitch, decides to step in “He’s not busy, he doesn’t do anything.” Well of fucking course I dont DO SHIT BECAUSE I DONT GO TO SUMMER SCHOOL, BECAUSE YOU SPECIFICALLY STATED I CANNOT GO, THEN SUBSEQUENTLY I CANNOT FIND A JOB.

“WELL THEN GO WORK FOR YOUR DAD!”

There is a slight problem working for ol’ dad. HE IS FUCKING OVERSTAFFED. BITCH WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO FUCKING DO IN A GODDAMN CLINIC, WHEN EVERYBODY IS RUNNING ABOUT, BUMPING INTO ONE ANOTHER.

Then my dad, in a matter-of-fact way, “Yeah, I really could have used some help.”

OH, WELL IS THAT FUCKING SO? I DID NOT GET THE MUTHAFUCKING MESSAGE DUMB FUCK. I WAS NEVER FUCKING TOLD. 

On another note, 2 days a week, 4 hours at min. wage will not pay for shit. Thanks, but I would much rather sell my books on amazon. I guarantee you i will make double. 

DAD: You are really spoiled, as you are not even telling us what the tuition price is for Pacific. Have you even consulted us on whether we can afford it?

OK DAD, YOU TELL ME HOW THE FUCK I AM SUPPOSED TO PULL A FUCKING HOUDINI AND COME UP WITH THE FUCKING MAGICAL NUMBERS. 

Because I applied as a transfer, I have 100 semester units, completed in a manner of one year (I am only 19, and last year at ucla was my first year, but don’t ask why 100 now, just listen. Thanks). This results in a problem. Financial aide has yet to fully process my numbers. I call every week, still no numbers. 

This is perfectly understandable. Remember, How can they process their numbers, when I had a late application date (Due June)? So it is perfectly fine that they are not finished yet. 

BUT OH FUCKING NO, THAT IS NOT OKAY. HOW THE FUCK DO I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THE NUMBERS ARE, ESPECIALLY UNDER THE PRESSURE WITH MY MOM ACTING LIKE A WARDEN, AND MY DAD BEING THE PATRONISING GOOD COP? BITCH WTF?

I am so tired of this shit. I AM GRADUATING IN 1.5 YRS, I saved them about 50-60K (2yrs of college). IF I SAVED YOU 50 TO 60 K, HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU NOT GRATEFUL? YOU ARE JUST GOING TO COMPLAIN LIKE THAT? I SWEAR WHEN I GET SETTLED I AM REFRAINING FROM CONTACT, AND I SWEAR I WILL NOT TAKE THIS BULLSHIT ANY LONGER. I SAVED THEM SO MUCH MONEY, AND THEN THEY COMPLAIN “WHY HAVENT YOU TOLD US THE NUMBERS?”

I know college is expensive, but i honestly am applying for many forms of aide, including scholarship. 

NO ACKNOWLEDGMENT OR APPRECIATION. 

FIN. 

A standard year is from January 1 to New Years eve, 364-365 days. Because I am in school, my year starts from June, and technically ends in June. In the past 12 months, I am thankful that I have been able to learn, and grow so much throughout these lovely 365 days. 

So what did I exactly learn? More than what I expected. 

1. People are different, deal with it. 

In high school, the friends you hung out with, and the people you dealt with throughout your 4 years, were sort of homogenised. Sure, there were those with an absolutely colourful outlook on life, and others tainted in a dual-coat of black, but either way, people were almost the same. Everyone seemed to have some similarity. At least where I came from, a rather small school. 

University life posed a much different scenario. People are strange. MOST people do not get along with their roommates. Everyone seems slightly separate, and honestly, at UCLA, competitive. I have met all kinds of people, some that I never want to encounter, and others I will love for the rest of my life. 

2. Never have any regrets, things happen for a reason.

I was going to get cut off from my family, and long story short, I was trying to find every way possible, to try to get out. Let me emphasise EVERY WAY POSSIBLE. At one point, I was applying for a phone sex operator job, and another day a webcam pornstar, essentially. I applied for loans, jobs, research, sublets, and even tried to sell a faux-used panty business. I started a row of ebay stores, and got sued for selling “too much.” Essentially, I had to pay a 600 dollar fee, which set me back quite a bit.  All along the way, my best friends had my back, and something to laugh about. My first year at UCLA has been at the very least interesting. 

All of these things I was doing reminded me of the fervour and passion I had to attain the best for myself. I wanted that B.S. from UCLA in Neuroscience and a B.A. in Psychology. Is that so bad to ask? Can I colour my own page, for once? 

Soon, I found that I could apply to the University of the Pacific, Pharm.D. programme, which is what I have always wanted. How easy would that be? No need to go around paying 50K in loans (x3), I can live in comfort of my own home, possibly attain an apartment or flat, and commute to a great university. You see, I can spend 3-4 years taking classes that I frankly do not want and need to take for my concentration at LA, or I can actually DO something, something that I want. This programme is not for most people. I need it, and feel that I want it. So, I will strive to get it. 

Why did I drop everything? Why did I leave everything at UCLA behind? It was because of a Quote I had read, AT UCLA. “Education is learning to use the tools the race has found indispensable.” I am using the tools I have, and UCLA has taught me that I can work hard and do anything. Frankly, it has been a hell of a year, and tis all thanks to UCLA, and the people I was with. 

3. People will change, but keep your vision clear. 

At one point, I was a straight-edged pre-med student, not even wanting to examine other career options. 

Now, I am not, but my goals are still high. 

I have changed, but my vision is still clear. In addition, the people I have met through every step of every quarter, change as time goes on. Friends become more heterogeneous. People move on with every breath. With all of my experiences of going in debt, of getting sued, almost becoming a porn star, nearly synthesising and selling illegal drugs, amongst other things, I felt as if I have experienced quite a bit. Have I experienced it all? NO. Otherwise I would have no desire to live. I know very little compared to the most experienced of people. 

But what I do know is that I have worked damn hard, and achieved more knowledge than I had ever thought I would learn. 

4. Not everyone will agree with what you want to do, but always do what is right, and most feasible. 

This is self-explanatory. 

5. Keep on Keeping on. 

Do not get bogged down by anything. Get the goal you want. 

Carpe Diem, but also Carpe Votum - Seize the day, but also seize the desire. 

6. Work hard. 

Hard work will not pay off when you want it to. It will pay off when it is time. How do you know what time it is? But Carpe Diem/Votum. 

- I am leaving UCLA, and for the past week, I have been lonely.Sometimes I feel like dying, other times I feel like this place is WAY too good for me. I feel like I do not deserve a high education like this, but it is okay. For tomorrow will be a much better day, and the day after even better. People, friends, faces, humans, move on. So keep on going forward. 

Vishal

I feel so lonely. I really do not belong in this empty room.